


the white rose petal that fell gracefully atop the puddle of blood

by orphan_account



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Blood, Cyrus has hanahaki, Gore, Hallucinations, M/M, Panic Attacks, don’t kill me!, hanahaki disease au, heavy angst with a happy ending, hospital rooms, i’m probably going to break your hearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23401405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: cyrus gets hanahaki for tj
Relationships: Cyrus Goodman/T. J. Kippen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	the white rose petal that fell gracefully atop the puddle of blood

**Author's Note:**

> hanahaki disease: a rare disease when one experiences unrequited love, they start to cough up flower petals covered in blood. thorns and branches start to grow around one's lungs, eating up every part of the infected's body until the death of eternal bleeding or suffocation. 
> 
> there are only two ways of being cured, which are having the love reciprocated with a kiss from the one they love, or a surgery that removes their love for that person and rarely the memory of that person itself.
> 
> the thorns are so painful. sharper than a needle, thicker than a knife cutting into body tissue that is where blood is stored. growing faster than a normal flower — maybe just the same amount of time, petals or sometimes whole flowers fly out of your mouth covered in a deep crimson reminding you of the love that you may never have returned. hanahaki is a deadly disease, and not having the proper care for it will make anyone suffer. forgetting how to normally breathe, feeling your heartbreak of a tear shed every time you're stuck in the feeling.

TW: blood, suicidal thoughts, hospitalization, hallucination, panic attacks. cyrus' experience with the feeling of the hanahaki will be very detailed. please don't be surprised if you feel uncomfortable reading this.

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cyrus' pov

When I wake up to a pounding headache, I already know that today is gonna be one of my worst. I'm usually excited to start a new day every day. New days mean new beginnings, and something amazing could be waiting for you just around the corner, waiting for fir you to wake up. For some reason, though something tells me that it's better to stay curled up in my bed, basking in the soft baby blue sheets and the sunlight from my wide-open window, a perfect view of my neighborhood from it. But today is a Friday, meaning I have to get up for school, wishing I could stay in the perfect dreamscape of my mind. 

In my dream, I was relaxing in a field of flowers. Cherry blossom trees surrounded me, their light pink petals floating through the air, occasionally swaying through the breeze, landing in the greenest grass I had ever felt prickle my soft skin. There was a perfect view of the sunset, hues of golden yellow sunlight highlighting the backs of some flowers, and blue with touches of purple and pink near the sun. There was a calming voice though, from a mysterious boy though, who laid next to me. Their voice was music to my ears, almost sounding angelic. I could only see the boys silhouette, his hair flopping on his forehead occasionally in the breeze. Talking to him felt so easy, but when I heard an alarm, my paradise was suddenly gone, the last thing I heard was the words 'I'll see you at school, love.' 

I want to know who the boy was. The only thing I did know about him was his voice and that he clearly went to my school, seeing that he said 'i'll see you at school, love'. I never want to leave that world, I want to stay forever. Whoever that person was, he was probably someone I already knew too. If he wasn't, why would I be dreaming about him? The question obtained my mind, the only thing I thought about for ten minutes, something I was confused about. But all of a sudden, my breathing started to get rough as I dropped the thought for a second trying to catch my breath. I looked down at my feet and saw vines curl around my toes, growing up my legs feeling thorns pierce into my body, streams of blood running down my leg, staining my carpet. 

I couldn't look away or blink, as I started to see that flowers -- white roses to be exact -- started to bloom from the vines, droplets of a dark crimson specked the bottom where it started to grow from my leg. I wanted to scream from the pain of seeing some flowers withering away, petals covered in blood fall to the ground just to see new ones appear. I wanted the feeling of being able to normally breathe again, in and out, only two steps. I tried to think of things that made me happy, like a chocolate chocolate chip muffin, or a swingset -- Tj's smile when he won a big game or gets a good grade on a math test. But then the pain escalated, the pain almost unbearable. I clutch my t-shirt, feeling the vines closing off my breathing.

But then I blinked, and I was suddenly broken out of my trance.

I could breathe normally again, and the streams of blood we're gone. There were no more vines with thorns breaking my skin or withering flowers hitting the carpet with droplets of crimson seeping from my body. I sit there, having no idea what I just experienced, but knew every second of it felt so real. So once again, I was alone in the huge and full but cold room that belonged to me, Cyrus Goodman. I walk into the hallway, already knowing that no one is awake yet since I set my alarm to 5:30. I step into my bathroom and walk to the sink to brush my teeth. When I looked up into the mirror to see my reflection, I looked like complete shit. My hair looked like it had been pulled and windswept, my eyes were only half-open, looking dull and empty. My cheeks were tear-stained and red, my skin puffy. The last thing to tie my appearance in a nice bow was my usual smile full of excitement and joy was gone, replaced with a frown you couldn't wipe off anyone's face even if you tried hard enough. 

I open one of the sink drawers, grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste to use for the morning. Wetting my toothbrush first, then squeezing the paste onto the brush, starting to brush my teeth feeling the minty substance swish around in my mouth. I then spit it out but instead seeing a drop of blood. I blink to make sure it's real and not just a hallucination, but it's still there. Picking it up with my finger, it runs down my finger, finally sitting in between the dip between my finger and thumb. I try to think for a moment, but my mind is racing, going somewhere I could never catch up to no matter how hard I tried. I usually had a pretty good immune system, so I don't really know whats going on. Why would I cough up blood though?

I turn on the faucet, cupping my hands under it to catch some water to rinse my mouth with. Once I catch enough, I sip it and swish it around my mouth. Spitting it out, the water isn't clear, but a light red. My heart starts to race, thinking there might be something wrong with me. I try to think of every disease I'm aware of that includes spitting out blood, but I come up with nothing that I would have. I think back to weird trance I had earlier too, but I can't put my finger on it. That minute was the most painful thing I've ever felt in my life, but it wasn't even real even though everything about it felt like it was painfully real. I take a glance up at the mirror, and I see something like it again. 

A mix of blueish greenish flowers grow from my mouth, blood-smeared around my mouth and vines with sharp, thick, thorns starting to loosely loop around my neck before tightening, the pointy thorns digging into my skin. Dark blood starts to run down my neck, a strange sting coming with the pain. I try to scream, but nothing but a small squeak came out of my mouth. I'm trying to tell me this is all just fake. I'm trying to say that If I blink, maybe it will go away. That the pain that comes with the flowers will eventually end if I just sit through it. Just fucking blink, I tell myself. But I don't. When I try to tear my gaze away from the mirror, it ends. The pain, along with the petals leaves my mouth. 

Fuck, these flowers may look pretty.

But they mean so much more.

Even if it's all fake.

Even if it's just a bad dream.

Please, wake me up.

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"Cyrus, you look like your Grandma just died. What's wrong?" Buffy asked. Funny joke if Bubbie Rose didn't pass away a month ago, but we can ignore that. 

"I'm fine, don't worry about me," I say, not wanting to tell them about the . . . situations I'm 'imagining' myself in. It's the morning, and we're walking to our lockers to gather our books for first period. I have World History, kind of looking forward to it because I get to see Tj. Usually, we walk to school together but his father wanted to drive him to school to talk. When I start to think about Tj though, something tickles the bottom of my throat. I feel something building against my chest, my throat was scratchy. Ignoring their cries for me to tell them what's going on, I run to the closest bathroom, closing the stall. Andi and Buffy can't chase me, which adds some relief before I'm gasping for air, coughing into the toilet. I feel something pushing against my teeth, and I suddenly release, opening my mouth as something floats out of my mouth. It cuts my throat like knives, but burns like a fire. 

What I see, blows my mind. What I see I thought I would never see when it comes to things that could actually be real. It was a white rose petal that slowly, gracefully, fell atop the blood in the toilet. It was harmless, small, just barely the size of my finger. The question that floated around my head we're how could something so beautiful hurt so much? Another one was if my hallucinations had something to do with this. I squeeze my eyes shut when I feel the feeling come back, more petals whispering through my mouth. When I open my eyes, tears start to spill from my lids. I wipe them off with my arm and flush the toilet watching the petals along with the blood swirl around in a circle before getting replaced by water. 

I hear the bathroom door open, I quickly stand up and sit on the toilet, trying to act like I'm taking a dump or something so the person can leave. But when I hear them call my name, I wish I was invisible. Easy to miss, impossible to find, you could slip through them. I hear the voice one more time before I recognize it as my favorite song. It sounds like Tj, and I trust him. I know he won't force me to tell him what's wrong. So I stand up, slowly opening the stall door hearing a loud squeak that comes with it. Tj looks like he thought he caused all the guilt as he made me this way. 

"Cyrus? Andi and Buffy just dragged me in here s-saying that you were coughing a lot. Buffy said it looked like you were spitting out blood. You don't have to tell me . . . but are you okay?"

Damn, this sucks. 

"Yeah, I'm . . . I'm f-fine. Yeah! I'm that." This proves that I'm horrible at lying to Tj.

"Cyrus there's blood smeared around your mouth. What's going on?"

I forgot about that. Fuck this shit.

"Cyrus Please. What are you trying to hide? The fact you don't feel like telling me or the fact you have hanahaki?" I didn't know anything about hanahaki, and I didn't want to hide anything from him. I try to mutter, or say something but were just awkwardly standing in a bathroom stall, watching me barth out blood and flower petals against my will. Awkwardly close. may I add.

"Whats hanahaki? And how did you know I even had it?" 

"You're coughing up flowers and blood. Have you had dreams about someone, and then in the morning you have weird hallucinations where your basically dying because vines with thorns are tangling around your neck or something?" I hear him mumble something after that sounds like 'maybe that was just my experience', but I try to ignore it. I nod my head, and he deeply sighs.

"You have it. Hanahaki is when you cough up flowers and blood because of unrequited love. There are three ways out of it, one horrible, one . . . decent but with some . . . mere side effects, and one extremely rare but a happy ending. The one horrible one is that you die if you don't do anything about it of suffocation or eternal bleeding. The second one is surgery but you forget you loved that person, and sometimes that person and the ability to love people romantically altogether and the third is that somehow they love you back and with a kiss that actually means something, you two live happily ever after and the flowers slowly disappear."

Hearing this, my world shut down. That was until the burning sensation came back, flower petals pushing up against my teeth, legs weak, head pounding, I fell to the floor feeling the flowers build in my throat, my neck feeling like it was getting scratched I felt thorns building up in my throat before I threw up a blood-covered, flower branch. A few thorns we're on there, and the blood in the toilet was tinted a pink, but then got darker and darker with a now crimson color. A warm hand was placed on my back, Tj whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I felt embarrassed, weak, and useless. Part of the reason he hated it so much was because of it all being true.

"C-Could you leave?" I ask. 

Stay. Please stay

I feel tears run down my cheeks, my breath getting quicker and quicker, then slipping away. My eyes are squeezed shut as more flowers pour out due to the hand on my back. I feel his warm breath on my ear, and It makes me shake."I want to help you, Cyrus" 

"You can't help me," I say.

You're the only one that can help me.

"Cyrus your dying! I'm not going to leave you like this!" I turn to look at his face, and we're only mere inches apart. I feel lost in his eyes, and then I notice the flower petals are the same color as his eyes. He brings a hand up to my mouth, wiping the petals and blood away before grabbing a piece of toilet paper to wipe my blood covered face, not taking an eye off me.

"Cyrus? Tj?" I hear the door open, Jonah's voice ringing through the bathroom as we jump apart. I hear him walking towards the stall door, then saying. "There are a bunch of angry 6th graders out there that want to pee so unless Cyrus is barfing his guts out, I think you should hurry up." I chuckle, even though I'm covered in my own blood, and my throat hurts like hell, the smallest things make me laugh. 

So what if i'm going to die?

Nobody cares about me anyway.

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IMPORTANT a/n: i'm lazy so i'm making this two parts. even though this has around 2,600 words, it has some more scenes (and blood !) in the next part i'm planing. i also came up with how i'm sorting out my updating schedule for my two books going on right now! (oneshots and it started at a live show)

after the second part to this fic, i will update it started at a live show 3 times before making a new oneshot. i put the prologue in here to see if anyone would be interested, but all future updates for that will be in its own book on my profile. i think we all need some fluffy tyrus to bring is joy during these bad times. because all of it started at a live show will mostly be fluff.

wash your hands,

sprinklii

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT a/n: i'm lazy so i'm making this two parts. even though this has around 2,600 words, it has some more scenes (and blood !) in the next part i'm planing. i also came up with how i'm sorting out my updating schedule for my two books going on right now! (oneshots and it started at a live show)
> 
> after the second part to this fic, i will update it started at a live show 3 times before making a new oneshot. i put the prologue in here to see if anyone would be interested, but all future updates for that will be in its own book on my profile. i think we all need some fluffy tyrus to bring is joy during these bad times. because all of it started at a live show will mostly be fluff.
> 
> wash your hands,
> 
> sprinklii


End file.
